I’m in my “I take care of me” era. I want her to like me. I want to impress her. I want to cook top tier meals for her and lay her down to sleep. I want her to stay excited about me. I want her to feel close to me. I want her to want to spend time with me. I want her to think I’m cool and irreplaceable because I take care of us both no matter the circumstance!!!!
“the education system traumatizes students it deems stupid” and “the education system traumatizes students it deems gifted” are two concepts that can and should coexist.
the fucked up thing is that i’ve been in this exact situation and actually felt some measure of beauty in the world. but only when the streets are empty and the area descends into a time of day when it clearly was not meant to functionally exist. there is a wretched beauty in walking around one of these suburban sprawl commerce zones at night or close to dawn, sitting down at a table like this and basking in the sensation that you own the place. maybe this is an inherited derangement from living most of my life in the midwest suburbs, working late night shifts at a grocery store on a corner exactly like this one. maybe it’s just the only time of day in a place like this when you can be truly alone outside
being uncomfortable becomes easier when you realize that’s literally the point. it’s like working out. if you work out & it becomes easy for you, you already got all you could out of that workout. your body adjusted & is strong enough to handle it now. you’re not improving anymore. that’s why you up the ante with harder workouts, where you’re uncomfortable & not quite strong enough yet. bc eventually you will be strong enough. but if it’s not a challenge, there’s no gain. & that’s exactly how it is with situations out of your comfort zone. the more you put yourself in them, the easier they get—but that in-between phase where you’re struggling is still completely valid and ok and natural. it’s what’s supposed to happen. it’s what’s going to change you as a person. and you should keep doing it
Some tags I found in notes that I feel are a very, very important caveat
